Personal Edge: October 6, 2023: I Left Israel. October 7, 2024: I’m Returning.
you know those moments when you don't know why this is happening and then days, months or years later you see a wink, a connected dot - this plane ride is one of those moments.
October 7 2024:
Back on a plane a year later, except this time going the other direction. Instead of from the east to the west, I’m heading from the west back home to the east.
October 6 2024:
Out of the corner of my eye, right before I was finally getting into bed at 5 a.m. after finishing packing for a big adventure, I see all my Burning Man necklaces I keep as a growing ‘art piece’ on the corner of my headboard. Suddenly, I start pulling off one heart necklace and putting it on. Then I see another made by my friends Doniel and Sophia with “we will dance again” and put that one on, and suddenly I start taking one necklace after another. Now I have 4 hearts I’m taking with me.
And it feels exactly right. It’s like I’m wearing my many hearts outside my body, each one carrying pieces of what my heart is feeling: love, memory, grief, light, hope..
One says love in Hebrew. Another says "we will dance again." One is a gem gifted from a Burning Man camp called “Epiphanies and Co.” a free jewelry ‘store,’ and lastly, a glow-in-the-dark heart that has been glowing for 2 years after being gifted on my last night at Burning Man in 2022.
October 7, 2024:
And, here I am. It’s the middle of the night, complete quiet. The whole plane asleep, as I write to you with my heart [necklace] glowing in the dark as I fly back to Israel on October 7, 2024 – a year ago and one day, October 6, 2023, having left Israel to help facilitate and participate in my friend David’s end-of-Sukkot dream retreat in Miami.
It’s October 7 on the English calendar, and on the Hebrew, it’s the 5th of Tishrei, the 10 days of awe between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, some of the most intense days – days that ask us to ask ourselves, "How do I want to be better and more true to myself and my mission on this earth?" As I sit here on this plane, it strikes me that I’ve been noticing the last few days, while being in go mode before leaving, where I’ve been impatient, short, or rude, and catching them. Then, out loud, naming that I want to be better next time. I want to be more patient, more present with whoever is in front of me, no matter how the experience of being with them makes me feel – and this is exactly how I want to show up in life – with my heart glowing in the dark.
There is so much darkness, yet I want to show up with my heart glowing in the dark. My birthday is October 10, and I got to celebrate early with friends in NY. One thing I said is I want to be a torchbearer, being in my light, seeing the light that exists, feeling all the light, and it lighting others on fire, bringing them into their light.
Which means being kinder, more present, more generous, loving to myself, to those close, and those far.
It’s October 7, 2024. A year later. Here we are.
So many people are experiencing and feeling so many things today. Amid all of this, I find myself feeling a mix of so many emotions – including, as I’m watching footage from October 7, and the surreal unfolding brings those initial feelings of shock and disbelief coursing through my body. And realizing how far I am from that initial state – in some ways, this is GREAT because it wouldn’t be healthy to still be at that level of paralysis a year later. And at the same time, the numbness or adaptability to something that is NOT NORMAL or okay has me thinking – how can I stay engaged in a balanced and healthy way?
I’m also feeling awe from both a place of reverence - wondering deeply where the line of destiny and free will come into play.
An experience that happened on October 6, 2023, that has continued to unfold all year climaxing right in this moment as I’m writing this.
October 6, 2023, my soul was speaking and knowing something beyond the current reality in a way i’ve felt very few times in my life.
she was tapped in.
When I left Israel last year on October 6, I took a carry-on, left my big suitcase unpacked in an apartment, and was supposed to be away for 4 days. I was debating until the day of travel whether to leave Israel. It felt like my best Sukkot I’ve ever had, and then I was leaving? It felt important and right for a number of reasons. As soon as I got on the plane, something inside me started freaking out that I needed to get off the plane and not leave Israel.
It’s like Hashem was leading me out of Israel for this experience, and then once I was on my way, He started cluing my soul into what was about to happen. I have a text exchange with my mom right before my plane was about to take off on October 6, sharing how something didn’t feel right about leaving some of the texts from that exchange – “I just had this feeling of my stomach falling,” “what am I doing leaving Israel right now?” “it hurts,” “what am I doing??” “we’re about to take off” – and then we did.
And the whole plane ride I was distraught, hyperventilating, crying, could not stop for the plane ride, and then the entire day of the 6th. I wasn’t sure what was happening, could not be calmed at all, and I’ve since found a note I wrote on the plane on October 6. It’s my deepest soul speaking, it’s wild – all about my relationship with Hashem/Divine and where I’ve strayed and wanting to come back. And if you know me, you know my relationship with Israel has been complicated, and in that moment, nothing was complicated. It was all CRYSTAL CLEAR – in the note, I write about knowing what’s actually important in life, I want to come back to Israel and meet my husband. This is all on October 6.
And so, this is exactly what I’m doing now, and only when now, sitting on the plane is it all hitting: this is a manifestation of that deep soul speaking truth that poured out of me on October 6.
This reminds me of something Rabbi Robinson, a rabbi in the Chicago community, said when he spoke about the lead up to October 7. He said what we should all be focusing on is October 6 – the call beforehand, "What are YOU doing to change? Something is not working in our world," “how are each of us looking at ourselves and our lives and making real change?” And my soul felt that calling on October 6 and now I am actualizing it.
My soul was crying, grieving, and so deeply yearning and longing on October 6 what felt out of the norm at the time, and has since become the normal emotions throughout this year. My soul spoke her truth that day and I have since bravely been stepping into following that truth.
And so, people said, “What are you doing for October 7?” others stating, “Isn’t it weird you’re flying on the 7th, feeling like a 9/11 vibe,” and what I say to both is the same: I’m doing the most perfect and courageous thing I can think of – currently flying with a one-way ticket to Israel with my heart that glows in the dark, ready to shine light wherever I can.
Being on a plane, calm, so grateful I am going for the holiday I missed last year. My soul is feeling so calm, knowing, excited to be back in Hashem’s arms and ready to meet my husband, bh, who’s waiting for me there.
How has October 7 changed you? How are you listening to that inner call and making real action in your life to live more aligned, more true, more connected?
What I know to be true is life is fragile, it moves quickly, and YOU are here with a unique set of gifts and a unique perspective that no one else in the entire world has, and we need your light. Please bring your light to any corner; there is no corner too small for light. If you need support stepping into that edge of courage, bravery, knowing, or clarity – do not hesitate to reach out and share this message forward because we need torchbearers out there- being brave in dialouge, smiling as we pass strangers, being kind, loving, forgiving, standing up for what’s right, listening, healing, witnessing others experiencing, acknowledging people in your life. Your light is not small. Remember when we light a flame from an existing flame, not only does it not get smaller, it actually GROWS.
Note: For those of you who have questions about my living situation and Wide Open Spaces: Not much is changing! I will still be spending time traveling and living in other places – the difference is currently I am rooting in Israel and will fly the coop from here. I am still flying into the US and the world to work with business and team clients, and my clientele isn’t changing, thanks to our globally accessible world. Now, my wingspan is wider, so if you have any leads for me in New York, Austin, California, Colorado, Miami, Europe or Israel, please share them my way! WOS is looking for leaders and leadership teams that want to be at the forefront of leadership that prioritizes their people and relationships, knowing that is the truest key to catalyzing real growth and revenue- and wanting to do workplace a new way for a different healthier happier more successful future.
Lots of other fun 1:1 coaching, twisted ritual personal or team offerings, workshops, keynotes, women’s life coaching groups check out: wideopenspaces.co