Personal Edge: Finding Clarity Through Someone Else's Edge
How a bride’s choice to slow down transformed her wedding—and invited me to confront my own edges.
Hey! I’m Nasya Miller, and here at Wide Open Spaces, we dive into edges—the edges I’m navigating, the ones my clients are tackling, and the ones we’re all facing in the world. Together, we’ll explore tools and stories to uncover the missing puzzle piece you might just need to cross that edge getting you from where you are to where you want to go - supporting you in unlocking your next level in all your relationships. Ready to cross your edges? Let’s dive in!This week’s exploration centers on an edge I encountered by witnessing someone else’s experience. I write about edge crossings because, as humans, we're always striving to grow and move forward, even if we don’t always know how. That’s where I come in—with clients and here with you. Witnessing others’ journeys often sparks powerful insights for our own, revealing blind spots and offering courage we might not access alone. Watching someone at their edge inspired me to confront my own, revealing clarity about something I didn’t know I wanted.
I went to a wedding last week in Jerusalem and was so inspired by the intentionality the bride and groom infused into their wedding. There was one thing in particular that really took me aback—I’ve never seen a bride do this as much as she did, and it grabbed my attention each time.
She, and they, SLOWED DOWN so many moments.
It might sound simple, yet it shifted the entire experience.
Usually at weddings, there is a schedule and a long night ahead, and it moves quickly from one thing to the next. Often, I see wedding planners with their schedules ready to keep things moving, which has a beautiful place and purpose and can leave weddings with a frenetic energy, and like a whirlwind—leaving me noting at the end, “Wow, where did the night go?”
And what this bride did offered a new experience and a new possibility to me.
My favorite part of Jewish weddings is the bedeken, when the groom goes to see his bride for the first time and covers her with her veil. Usually, the groom and the bride exchange a few words together, and it’s a beautiful love bubble moment. In this experience, the bride and groom stayed in conversation and eye contact for about five minutes—imagine all the guests watching you for five minutes straight in one of the most intimate moments of your life.
It’s edgy to let others witness you experiencing intimacy, and it’s also one of the most generous acts.
What that did was slow us all down; it grounded us all into why we were there. Everyone zeroed in on energetically aligning with what they were committing to and creating together- and it made a huge difference in how the energy felt in the space.
My dream at my wedding has always been for all the guests to feel engaged and actively part of the experience, not as passive onlookers but as active witnesses and contributors. By slowing down, the bride and groom offered that opportunity for us all—this is called a “twisted ritual” moment, an intentional insertion to ‘the way it’s usually done.’
And, again, it happened after the groom left that scene and she was left praying before walking down the aisle. I watched as someone, maybe the wedding planner, said to one of her friends that they needed to get moving and she needed to walk down the aisle. Her friend replied that she had said she needed more time and TOOK IT.
So often, especially in big emotional experiences, our grounded selves that know what is needed can be persuaded to do something else. Emotional and vulnerable moments offer that exposure, and you might just go with what’s happening or with what someone says is needed rather than what you actually need. People talk about this with childbirth: “Make sure someone knows your plan and you have an advocate, or else you might get convinced into doing something else.” Vulnerable moments sometimes leave us a bit ungrounded and take us out of what WE NEED AND WANT.
Watching her continue to SLOW DOWN, to truly be present and grounded, was such a gift to witness.
And she, they, did it again: under the chuppah (the wedding canopy), during dancing, and then I also saw the way she slowed dow during the final blessings at the end of the wedding by making eye contact with both her partner and the guests in the space, slowly and intentionally.
What did this offer? I am sure a multitude of things for her, and as a guest of the wedding, it was the gift that kept on giving. It slowed me down, it supported me in being present with the gravity and beauty of what was happening, it grounded me, and the night felt FULL, and long, and I was in the moments rather than being swept up in my head or by other people.
Why is this such an’AHA’ and takes effort- instead of being obvious and easeful?
A few takeaways about the edginess and power of slowing down:
1. It is edgy to SLOW DOWN, allowing the fullness of whatever experience you are in to be fully felt. It’s scary to feel it all—vulnerability, fear, hopes; all of it takes courage to truly embrace, and then reaps the benefits of actually being in the present experience of WHAT IS really happening.
2. It is brave to choose to take up space, especially when it might not be convenient for everyone else. When it’s your event or experience, you get to claim that space. As a recovering people-pleaser, I kept noticing my own ‘edge’ and was awed by her ability to do what she needed, without worrying about anyone else.
3. Slowing down takes awareness and effort - and is the gift that keeps on giving— impacting everyone around the person slowing down, because it creates a ripple effect, as our brains and bodies attune through “neural resonance” naturally syncing with others’ states, enhancing empathy and connection.
The choices the bride and groom made enhanced the experience and made it more personal and connected for everyone involved. This is the power of twisted ritual and why I believe in the power of intentionally designing transitional moments of celebration and grieving- you want to FEEL connected and like it’s YOURS, that’s what brings our values to our everyday lives.
If you’re moving through a life cycle event—whether it’s a traditional occasion we celebrate or grieve, or a more personal, unconventional transition or change you want to mark with deeper meaning—I’d love to explore the power and possibility we can create together through the twisted ritual offerings with Wide Open Spaces.