Client Edge: The 'Aha' Moment
A couple that thought they were giving to their partners while they were actually making each other feel badly.
This is a simple and profound edge I witnessed with a new couple I am working with. Apply to any relationship you are in.
In our first exploratory session together, I invited the wife to share gratitude directly to her husband about something he did that she appreciated him for and shared with me in the session but not at the real time it happened with him.
She tentatively, beautifully and vulnerably shared her appreciation and then right at the end added a little dig in there.
This moment of connection suddenly now had a tiny ripple of rejection infused in.
Is this familiar?
I pointed it out and it opened up a wild revelation for both of them.
She shared that she does it because he doesn’t take compliments well and it makes her feel badly when he doesn’t so its a protective measure for her.
He was completely surprised and expressed that he is trying to let her ‘off the hook’ and so rejects the compliment to make it easier on her, and had NO IDEA the impact that had on her until...that moment together.
Little did each of them know the impact of their small actions on their partners, while each one was ultimately wanting to ‘give’ to the other they were actually creating ‘micro-rejections’ and instead of moving closer together, they were actually created distance - every time this dynamic happens, we call the dance.
We often do this in all kinds of relationships.
Think about where you might be doing this, adding something that keeps you a bit distant from someone, to stay protected and guarded.
Yes, vulnerability takes courage, it pushes an edge every time, because you have no idea how the other person is going to react to you AND, the risk has the power to create what we are all hardwired for, love and belonging, or leaves you in a state of yearning for more but not knowing how to get the connection with that person you crave.
It takes these small moments of as Terry Real calls ‘waking up’ the client to them begin to make the shift.
So for you, this is a powerful pattern to notice, because these small rejection moments add up and have a big impact in connection.
Comment below or DM me on Instagram @nasya.miller your aha’s from this client edge.