There I was, sitting in my friend’s car as she was dropping me off after an event, and right as I was about to get out of the car, I started spilling it all—in tears, in words—and she listened, intently, presently. I started telling her what my therapist said, what my homeopath said, and as I was about to tell her what another trusted teacher said about the same topic at hand, she interrupted me. It took me by surprise, and she firmly said, “You’re the only one who knows. Great, that you trust these people—and that’s important—but they don’t know your experience. What do you think?” she emphasized.

And that was the moment. Someone slowing me down. Mirroring back what she heard and giving me space to go inside—an often scary place, where the truth lives—asking me what I really think. What is really true?

And, then I listened. And, that hard hitting truth was different than I had done it in the past, and I felt confused, and questioned if I could really trust what I was hearing, and it was in that trusting my inner authority and listening that my next level opened up.

It’s these moments that we rarely get—to truly have a space to listen to the whisper, to the thing we are scared to hear. And then, after hearing it, to actually listen to it.
”How do I know I can trust what im hearing?”
”I don’t hear anything.”
”I hear so many things. What’s right?”
”One person says X—and it feels true. Another says Y—and somehow, that feels true too. Now what?”
Sound familiar?

It’s a brave game, because what you are hearing is probably something different than what you’ve done in the past or completely new territory you’ve never walked—so it feels unfamiliar, and maybe not trustable, when in reality, this listening is your next level.

When you are adaptable, good at so many things, can make it all work, have tried many things—and the next step seems unclear or blurry—it feels scary to not know what’s next. You have been successful in your life and know yourself to be independent and a good problem-solver. And right now, it’s blurry, and so you extend out—to turn to trusted mentors and guides who know you so well and who you trust to give you the guidance. And that seems aligned—go to trusted advisors.

And it’s an important and great step. The important thing is not to stop there—because in those moments, you overly rely on an outer authority because your inner compass isn’t as clear as it has been in the past, and by outsourcing you end up creating more confusion and less confidence in yourself to make the right decision.

So, let’s talk about how to do it differently. It is important and incredible to have trusted mentors and teachers in your life. Talk to them, and consider their thoughts and guidance — and then let it all go, the aligned guidance will stick and go within yourself, back to your inner authority, get quiet, and listen to what feels really true, what you really need right now.

When you become aware you are outsourcing your power and stopped trusting and listening to your inner authority - and then recommit to listening to your inner authority the only one who fully knows what YOU need. That is where the clarity comes.

If you are going through a change in your life where you are seeking clarity and are ready to reconnect to your inner authority—find it, hear it more strongly, trust that part of yourself again or in a deeper way— Transition Clarity: 8-Week Intensive might be the right fit for you. Learn more about this opportunity and book a discovery call here: https://www.wideopenspaces.co/

"I feel disconnected from the things I’m doing. I know it, but I don’t know how to do it differently."

"I have a lot of interests, I can do a lot of things—I can push myself to do anything. But I don’t know what to choose."

"I don’t want to make the wrong choice and close the other doors."

And I knew exactly where to go with him.

This client had already built a successful career, but he reached a point where he wanted something more. He took a sabbatical to slow down, to figure out what’s next. When he came to me, he was in that in-between space—wanting clarity on how to spend his days but feeling uncertain.

As I guided him through the Transition Clarity Process, we got clear on what truly aligns in his life—his values, his choices, and what he genuinely loves to do. And then came the big aha: despite all the doubt he’d been feeling, we uncovered that much of his life already aligned with his values and long-term goals.

So why did it still feel empty?

One of his biggest fears was: "If everything adds up, why do I still feel disconnected?" Another question that haunted him: “Should I still be on this sabbatical? What should I be doing with my days?” He was afraid of picking a door, only to find it wasn’t the right one. As someone who’s great at a lot of things—who sees endless possibilities and is in high demand—this fear felt paralyzing.

And he’s not alone. This is the case with many of my clients—successful, multi-talented, growth-oriented, and stuck in indecision. They think the problem is choosing the wrong path, but that’s not actually what’s keeping them stuck.

So, we drilled down.

The real issue wasn’t what he was doing. In fact, when we looked at his life, he realized he was already pleased with the whats. The deeper truth?

It was about the how.

The way he was moving from one thing to the next—so quickly, so cognitively—wasn’t allowing him to actually feel connected. Everything checked the right boxes, everything made sense, but it was happening entirely in his head.

So we went deeper: WHY wasn’t he connected?

This is where the real shift happened. It wasn’t about what he was doing—it was about how he was doing it.

The HOW connects the dots of the WHAT.

In one of our sessions, I guided him through a session that revealed exactly where he was stuck, what he wasn’t fully listening to within himself, and once it was revealed I gave him fieldwork to put into action and try in his life.

Together, we designed a new way for him to start his day and transition between the things he does—so that he could feel connected, present, and fulfilled, instead of just going through the motions. We continued building on this throughout the rest of the intensive and created a sustainable new way of moving through his life that became a part of him.

Since then, I’ve received messages from him, sharing how much this small shift has transformed his sense of fulfillment and connection in his day to day. That he now has a tool to use when he feels disconnected in moments in his life. The best part? It’s not just inspiring and feel good, it’s actually his and it’s sustainable.

It’s not rocket science—it’s actually quite simple- it just requires a different kind of listening. He didn’t have to change what he was doing. He just had to change how he was moving through it, which changed everything!

One edge I encounter again and again — both in the world and with my clients — is the fear of silence, of stillness. Slowing down to listen, to simply be, is so often avoided and justified by how ‘busy’ life is and how much ‘needs to get done.’ These are defense mechanisms for a deeper fear: what will i hear? how do i be with myself?

Scared of hearing a truth that isn’t aligned with how im living. scared to hear something that I didn’t expect. scared to hear something i’ve been avoiding. the myth is that if we keep busy it won’t impact us, the myth is that I can ignore it. my clients they want freedom, want peace, want joy so badly - and what’ve I’ve found is the that they live in the silence - being brave enough to slow down enough to hear your freedom, your peace and your joy are waiting for you.

Subscribe now

I know this edge intimately. It confronts me like, a 6 year old’s fear of a monster in the closet, before entering a seven-day silent retreat. I know underneath the daily chatter, there are layers of hums and dialogue that I am scared to hear. But what I’ve learned is this: when I stay with that discomfort, something miraculous opens.

This poem emerged from surrendering to silence as my teacher, revealing what lies on the other side.

My hope is that this moves you.

I hope this poem offers permission for you to sit or walk or dance with silence more.

I hope this offers you a new way of meeting silence.

Silence wants to be known by you, and she is the kind of gift that meets you only when you slow down - someone who has true inner peace and joy is someone who can sit with silence.

Sit back and relax as I read it to you or you are welcome to read along.

Silence is Delicious By: Nasya Miller.

Silence is delicious.

I want to eat silence for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Silence is delicious.

Like fresh whipped cream with strawberries.

Like the first sip of coffee made for you just the way you like it.

Like ice cream on hot summer day.

Silence is delicious.

Like sleeping in late with nowhere to go.

Like deep belly laughs with dear friends.

Like the warmth from a bonfire on a cool night.

Like a kiss on the forehead just because.

Like walking around in a possy of friends wearing pom pom necklaces 😉

Silence is delicious.

Like a cool breeze on a warm summer night.

Like a butterfly landing on your arm just for a moment.

Like watching the sunset over the ocean.

Like running freely in a never ending meadow of wildflowers.

Silence is medicine.

Like your mama’s hot chicken soup when you’re sick.

Like a warm bath after a long day.

Like getting picked up from the airport from a lover.

Like trusting your intuition and going with it.

Like feeling the divine taking care of you at every turn.

Like trusting it keeps getting better.

Silence is like a dear friend.

She tells you jokes that only you understand.

She holds you in your tears without trying to fix it.

She laughs with you as you laugh at yourself lovingly.

She respects your choices.

She cheers you on, like the best cheerleader there is.

She waits patiently for when you’re ready.

Silence is like a lover.

He whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

He opens doors to unexpected treasures.

He holds a mirror up so you become your best self, not letting you be anything but.

He serenades you with nature melodies.

He seduces you into surrender.

He holds you as you cry deep tears and kisses them reminding you you’re not alone.

He takes you on spontaneous adventures.

He loves you exactly as you are.

People ask “how do you do it? Stay silent for a week?” Followed by, “I could never.”

And, I say, “Silence is the easy part.”

Because it’s when I get silent, that the whole world becomes alive.”

The question I ask back is, “can I stay with silence a little longer?”

This week, we’re diving into Part II — more insights sparked during a month-long pop-up city called Edge Esmeralda. This transformative playground for growth pushed bold edges for Wide Open Spaces, and I’m excited to share these reflections and tools you can explore as you prepare for the year ahead.

Subscribe now

In case you missed it, Edges of Growth: Part I (released last week) explored insights like:

• Risk-taking attracts risk-takers

• The power of making BOLD requests

• How asking a powerful question can change the game

• Getting out of your head and trusting your system’s intelligence

TL;DR Insights from my 2024 exploration, shared in detail below:

KEY: You can jump straight to the ones that call to you or savor them all — each one offers a juicy edge.

1. take note of relational impact.

2. transitions take time.

3. invite people into your mess.

4. create rituals for cohesion.

I hope this post inspires and supports you. If you feel Wide Open Spaces might be the right fit to support your personal or team growth in 2025, I’d love to hear from you.

Nasya

// INSIGHT #1: take note of relational impact. \

i noticed something happening in my own relationship, and then in conversations with other couples. When you choose to spend time doing one thing, it takes away from the others. If you are in a romantic partnership and you are in an immersive experience [read: retreat, conference, program], they will feel the impact of your attention there instead of with them. That is not a bad thing. the question to ask before you go is “how do we want to be with the dynamic shift and how much attention will I have?” and while you are there checking in with the same question with your partner. It does take a toll, and it doesn’t mean it’s wrong, the question is what is in place to support that shift?

with my clients who are founders, leaders, and the couples I coach, we are constantly designing for relational impact- what are other things taking your time, how does that impact the relationship and how do we intentionally design to create health in your relationships while investing and exploring other parts of yourself.

this applies well beyond romantic relationships- relational impact is happening in all your relationships, some need more attention than others.

EDGE QUESTION #1: how can you design for relational impact, as you plan your next trip/event/experience?

// INSIGHT 2: transitions take time \

i don’t know about you, but as a 70% nomad, I am transitioning A LOT. And, I know my rhythm, yet sometimes I forget and get frustrated with myself. Sound familiar? This is your permission to give yourself time to transition. Our systems need it to adjust to newness and find our groove- some people need a few hours, some people months, to learn your rhythm and design for it, to create the space to allow sadness, doubt, and uncertainty to be there without meaning you need to leave or have made the wrong choice.

this also happens after you return from an experience read: summer adventures. Give grace, give time.

EDGE QUESTION #2: what transitions are you moving through this season? How might you make them more spacious, more attuned to your unique rhythm of transition?

this is your permission slip.

// INSIGHT #3: invite people into your mess \

in addition to the theater show & team workshops, I led 80 people through an immersive experience for people to connect to each other at a campsite getaway weekend.

i was supposed to have clementines and there were some logistical challenges so there I was going up without the one prop I needed, I got creative on the spot and decided we were going to do the experience with our imagination instead. Instead of just introducing it like that, I named what was supposed to happen and invited people into the play of the pivot and the messiness. It gave others permission and created a space of play. It invited a whole new way to do this experience that I would never have thought about if I had the prop I needed in the first place.

EDGE QUESTION #3: what is something that is not going quite as planned right now? how might it become play? can you invite people into your mess giving others permission to swim in that space too?

// INSIGHT #4: create rituals for cohesion \

i piloted a week-long friendship experiment while on-site, to create some space for people to encounter friendship in new ways.

imagine a group of people on secret missions every day, pushing their friendship edges - ways they want to get stronger in friendships— and deepening their connections while simultaneously creating a magical movement for the entire Edge Esmeralda community. Each day at the communal dinner meet up, new people join in, doubling the group's size daily, celebrating and supporting the risks people took that day, ending the week with new possibilites in friendships and a stronger community.

as an ongoing experience with new people joining each day, I had to balance making new people feel included and making sure the original people who came to the first experience would feel like everyone was meeting their investment and level of vulnerability.

as new people joined the experience from Day 2 onwards, I had to consider a key question: When I invite new people in, how do I keep the core & vibe of what the group is about so it doesn’t dilute?

two rituals made all the difference in making this experiment a success:

• initiation = every day during communal meals when the group met and when new people joined, we went around and asked the same two questions that everyone answered during the first experience. The OG’s in the circle deepened their answer each day, and it was powerful every time!

• welcome announcements: when newbies joined the telegram group, I welcomed each person by name - helping them feel personally welcomed and also calling them up to be an active participant, creating a fun ritual that made the group feel intentional, fun, and held as it continued to grow.

  ---

// Summary Note://

I am excited to release this piece as we prepare to step into 2025—a powerful moment to integrate the lessons of this past year and bring them forward with intention. Edge Esmeralda was a transformative edge for me. It represented a big commitment, one where I explored new directions: doing my first live show, conducting market research while immersing myself with leaders in new industries, guiding teams through direct coaching, and leading newly refined workshops.

The transition into a new year is an incredible opportunity to reflect on what we’ve learned, expand what’s possible, and refine our vision for what’s ahead. If you’ve read this far, I hope you feel a spark of inspiration and encouragement to embrace your own edges and bring your growth into the new year more boldly than before.

When I’m integrating and evolving, I always gather my coaches and community around me, creating a space of courageous expansion together. Having the right support as we grow our capacity changes everything.

If you feel that coaching support is the right next step for your own edge journey, be in touch at nasya.miller@gmail.com/ and check the multiple avenues we can explore together on my website.

Share

Until next time,

Nasya

welcome to integrating growth: the end of 2024 edge collection.

integrating Growth: The end of 2024 edge collection is covering topics ranging from, the benefits of silent retreat, to relational edges that name the invisible and transform entire teams and companies. this collection is designed to help you powerfully and intentionally carry forward the lessons of 2024. to get access to the collection that will continue to be dropping over the next month:

Subscribe now

one way wide open spaces stepped into bold edges this year was at a month-long pop-up city called edge esmeralda. this experience was a transformative playground for growth, and I’m excited to share some of the sparks of wisdom I gained—tools and reflections you can try out in your own life as you prepare for the new year ahead.

TL;DR Insights from a 2024 exploration, shared in detail below:

KEY: you can go straight to the ones that interest you or indulge in them all, all pretty juicy :)

1. risk taking attracts risk-takers.

2. make BOLD requests.

3. asking a powerful question can change the game.

4. get it out of your head. trust your system’s intelligence.

The below four with come out in next week’s substack!

5. take note of relational impact.

6. transitions take time.

7. invite people into your mess.

8. create rituals for cohesion.

I hope this post inspires and supports you - please reach out if you think wide open spaces might be the right fit to support your own edges &/or your team’s growth to begin 2025 with a powerful foundation.

Nasya

a bit more of the story behind one of my 2024 edges:

// INSIGHT #1: risk taking attracts risk-takers \

it all begins with a big leap…

the clients that I love to work with are people who want to find out what’s on the other side of their edge. edges are the tip between where you are and where you want to go. ‘edges’ are the feeling of change, knowing there is somewhere you want or something beyond where you are now and not there yet.

if you want to dive deeper into your own edges, here is a simple EDGE GUIDE framework.

while at edge esmeralda, I stepped right up to my edge. I took the first step of a dream I’ve had for a few years of melding an experience of theater and live coaching, and created my first live show.

imagine a dimly lit room, a sense of anticipation hanging in the air. soft murmurs ripple through the audience.seated in a plush chair at the center of a small stage, I invite the audience into the unknown, an experiment with me. I guide them through an imaginative process in their seats and then I invite volunteers to step into their own scene of their life, exploring a hidden facet of themselves they wish to bring to life.

the scene is played out, me as coach and director, seamlessly blending theater and real-life coaching discovery process. the energy in the room is palpable, you can sense the shift that is taking place all around us. tears and wide grins. the volunteers on stage and those in the audience leave thoroughly entertained with a new piece of themselves, revealed and ready to bring into their lives.

a few lessons from the live show:

1. naming the edge creates the container we need: in the invite for the show, I told people this was edgy and that I was looking for supportive people to trial this with. I shared that I would rather fail fast in a supportive environment - I created the container to support my risk taking.

2. modeling gives permission to others: many people shared how my modeling of trusting my intuition on stage, holding the space of this mix, and taking a risk toward my dream inspired them the next day in their respective work edges and lives.

3. people reflected that they said yes to coming because they could feel their own desire to take a risk, to explore. and after seeing me, after joining me in my own experiment, it made them want to get to know me more, because of the way I took a risk. risk taking attracts risk takers.

4. trying new things unleashes hidden pieces of ourselves: when I was younger I always wanted to be an actress, and I didn’t realize until I was there how much that invited my inner actress to slowly get back on stage.

5. I have many years of practicing holding space through my roles as facilitator, experiential educator and coach - practicing how to create a container for others to be brave and transform. in my moment of risk taking, people reflected back to me how they trusted me, were awed by how I held the room and felt my safety, confidence, and certainty so they could let their fears in the space go. sometimes trying new things creates space for our best skills to shine in new environments.
   

EDGE QUESTION #1: what’s one risk you’ve been wanting to take? how can you take that next step and invite others to join you to create together?

// INSIGHT #2: make BOLD requests \

i was at a coffee work meet-up with someone new, and toward the end of our meeting he asked me “how can I support you?” and in that moment, I had a few choices, I could say nothing or something irrelevant and stay safe, or lean into a bold request and have this meeting make a difference. I chose the bold request, and the reason I can lean into making bold requests is because of the way I request them, allowing the other person to feel fully free to say yes or no powerfully, without being attached to an outcome. this is the framework I use!

an empowering way to make requests is by offering from the very beginning these three options:

you can say, yes, no or counter offer (they can offer a new possibility back that you hadn’t put out.)

it immediately lowers people’s guard because you have given permission for it all and aren’t assuming a certain answer. It opens the system (relationship between the two of you) up to more possibilities instead of usual “background apps” that run as the receiver of a bold request: defense or fear of hurting others, “is that what I want?”, people-pleasing tendencies, fear of sharing truth.

bold requests are the way to be in your truth while inviting others to be in theirs, they are how I have opened up innumerable new possibilities, opportunities and connections.

EDGE QUESTION #2: what is one bold request you can make to end 2024 powerfully? How will you frame it by offering permission from the start?

// INSIGHT #3: asking a powerful question can change the game \

i was coaching the Edge Esmeralda team in a special session on-site, supporting them in learning where their system is healthy and thriving and where it is being challenged and needs support. Working up to it, and knowing this is a system that has enough trust to hold this question, I asked,

“what’s not being said?”

with a strong guide holding the space, this question can create a kind of liberated energy that the system needs. what unfolded led to what one participant described to the system feeling “a big exhale.” one of the leaders went first, modeling incredible vulnerability, and giving permission to the others to also share, making sure that next I invited in someone from a different rank, a different power position within the team, to make sure that all voices were invited and being heard.

with the intentional conditions set up by coaching, the system was strong enough to hold the inquiry. approaching it let the entire team explore untouched territory that shifted them from avoidance to really working together and growing to meet the challenge, thus leading the team to more effective, connected and efficient execution for the rest of the month long intensive experience instead of disparate energy that keeps building with the unsaid- we all know what that feels like and it doesn’t have to be that way.

EDGE QUESTION #3: what’s not being said? In your team? In your life?

// INSIGHT #4: get it out of your head. trust your systems intelligence \

i led a few workshops titled relational mapping in the workplace 101. In the workshops I had each person do an exercise where they mapped out a relational system [think: team, family, group community project]. we did both a mapping of how it looks now and how they want it to look - a seemingly simple exercise with “mind-blowing” results. as I guided them to get out of the usual ruminating in their head, and into a state of clarity and visibility on paper, they were able to see things they couldn’t figure out on their own.

relational systems are living organisms. you have each piece, and often can only see one or a few at a time. the pieces create a unique puzzle and when you get it out of your head you can invite in another perspective. suddenly you are working together to complete a puzzle, focusing on the shared system as compared to the individual pieces or personal defenses of them. from this place, the view of the puzzle, immense insight is possible.

this kind of work is relational itself - the kind of transformation we help each other move through. If you think you might benefit from the process and would like to experience one of these guided workshops, please reach out at nasya.miller@gmail.com.

EDGE QUESTION #4: have you considered doing some relational mapping for your own team? What would you hope to make visible, or possible if you did?

If you are ready to read Edges of Growth Part II: Transforming 2024 Insights into 2025 Action here it is!

// summary note:

this was part I, part II releasing next week. I am excited to release this piece as we prepare to step into 2025—a powerful moment to integrate the lessons of this past year and bring them forward with intention. edge esmeralda was a transformative edge for me. It represented a big commitment, one where I explored new directions: doing my first live show, conducting market research while immersing myself with leaders in new industries, guiding teams through direct coaching, and leading newly refined workshops.

the transition into a new year is an incredible opportunity to reflect on what we’ve learned, expand what’s possible, and refine our vision for what’s ahead. if you’ve read this far, I hope you feel a spark of inspiration and encouragement to embrace your own edges and bring your growth into the new year more boldly than before.

when I’m integrating and evolving, I always gather my coaches and community around me, creating a space of courageous expansion together. having the right support as we grow our capacity changes everything.

if being supported and championed through coaching is the right next step for your own edge journey, be in touch at nasya.miller@gmail.com/ and check the multiple avenues we can explore together on my website.

Disclaimer: I use the word God or Hashem (the name in Hebrew) interchangeably, please substitute what feels relatable for you (divine, oneness, creator etc), and if you are uncomfortable, I encourage you to keep reading and allowing that to be present.

Exploring My Relationship with Desire

Desires are alluring. Desires feel really good to follow. Desires are also teachers.

Sometimes, my desires come from pure, delicious, passionate, magical, and hopeful places, leading to a life of aliveness, connection, and meaning. Other times, they come from overcompensation, avoidance, envy, fear, immediate gratification, and greed, leading to pain and disconnection. Each teach me something different about myself and my experience in life.

No matter where the desire comes from, I had a powerful realization recently that taught me that even with the best intention in mind, my own desires are limited and can only get me so far ie: blindspots in the way.

I uncovered an unexpected ally that supported me in discovering my blindspots I had around desires.

The ingredients involved in this ‘aha’ moment are BDSM + God + Jewish practice. Let’s dive in. First up BDSM.

Exploring Power Dynamics

Before we meet, said, allies, we need to dive into one of desire’s friends, power.

POWER: a word that both empowers and triggers people. It’s also one of the main themes in my coaching with clients: reclaiming power, stepping into their power, feeling empowered with themselves, partners, cofounders, and teams. Everyone comes with mixed relationships about power based on their childhoods. Cue: all the stories you have about religion, sex, parents, workplaces, society, etc...

BDSM is just that- a framework that explores power dynamics that supported me in this discovery. I personally am not a part of any BDSM communities- however I am familiar with some of the concepts which inspired me to utilize the power awareness in the regular day to day.

A little more formal education first so we’re all on the same page:

The relational dynamic of BDSM, specifically the “DS” of the acronym, stands for dominance and submission. These roles are often societally explored in romantic and sexual contexts, and the power is taking them out of bedroom and exploring them into everyday interactions: professional settings, friendships, or family relationships—because, as we know, power dynamics live everywhere!

A little deeper dive before we get back to my experience:

“In the context of relationships, dominance and submission refer to roles where one person takes on a more assertive or controlling role (dominant), while the other person takes on a more passive or obedient role (submissive). This dynamic can vary greatly depending on the individuals involved and the specific relationship. It’s important to note that in healthy relationships, these roles are consensual and mutually agreed upon, focusing on trust, communication, and respect for each other's boundaries and desires.”

My favorite thing I’ve learned about the dominant (dom) and submissive (sub) dynamic is that from the outside, it seems like the dominant is the one in power. In reality, the dominant is fully in service of the submissive’s pleasure and responsible for their safety and wellbeing. It’s one of the most beautiful dynamics to play in when done healthily. Although the submissive is following orders and being ‘controlled’ by the dominant, on a deeper level, the sub is really the one ‘in power’ because the dom’s actions are guided by the submissive’s pleasure.

If this is triggering to you, please reach out to me. Understanding how to utilize power dynamics in a healthy way has been liberating for my clients as well as myself. The nuance here is powerful, although these contexts are often sexual - we are only using the framework to explore in other relational dynamics.

Where Desire and Power Intersect in My Jewish Practices.

I want to bring this dynamic outside the bedroom and into one of the most important relationships in my life: with God and my Judaism.

I am about to take you into my inner world, in hopes that you, someone who has struggled with ‘religious practice’ in any way, can find a new portal of connection with ‘mitzvot,’ with your Jewish identity, and/or with God—the divine.

1. I’ve been exploring my relationship with the Jewish family purity laws called niddah. What is niddah? In short, for the entirety of a woman’s period followed by a week of ‘clean days’ afterward, partners in a relationship separate from each other. Think: about two week’s completely apart every month.It’s a practice of discipline, space, and boundaries.

   This practice, although it has been a value I knew I’d keep since I was a kid, I hadn’t thought too much of it. And, a curiosity began inviting me in, and as I began exploring what this practice actually entails, I noticed a lot of resentment and pain around ‘the STRONG boundary with no wiggle room.’ It started bringing up feelings of being trapped, and caged in, that I would be told what to do and when without my "choice.” It started bringing up other parts within Judaism that I’d subtly been resenting as being “too restrictive,” “why are you telling me what to do?” or “ugh, this is so annoying, are you kidding me?”

And, that my friends invited me into one of the deepest explorations we’re here to talk about today:

If this is important to me (values alignment check and not blindly following) and it’s bringing up all these challenging feelings, how can I expand my relationship so I’m not practicing these many “mitzvot” (jewish connections and laws) from a resentful and angry place?

I began talking to friends and exploring my relationship with boundaries that are ‘hard,’ and what the use of them might be.

2. Fast forward, and there I was on a silent meditation retreat. Throughout the week, as a sensual and tactile person, always touching nature, I would pass by this specific fig tree and rub my face in it, touch the flowers, and enjoy the textures and life. At the end of the week, we entered into Shabbat in silence. There I was, by the same fig tree I’d spent time with every day, and the purple flowers I passed by on the way to and from my room. On Shabbat, there’s a practice of not touching live plants, so instead of engaging with them with touch, I was invited into a different experience: meeting them from a distance.

   When I sat next to the flowers, instead of touching them—my usual go-to—I started noticing other parts of them visually and the way they moved. Things I hadn’t noticed at all during the whole week and brought new awareness and pleasure which led to deeper connection. And when I was next to the fig tree, there was immense desire to touch it. The desire grew because of the distance, because I couldn’t touch it, the exact dynamic that often keeps powerful chemistry in relationships. That is a powerful outcome of the niddah practice mentioned above- desire, directed in this way, builds erotic (read: alive and electric) connection.

And then it hit me.

Hashem is my dom. Hashem is my dominant, my king and I am his submissive and in that moment it felt so empowering.

With the boundaries that Hashem gave the Jewish people, and in this case, me, I was able to have a deeper connection to myself, and in this above, to the plants—in the case of niddah, to men.

Instead of doing what I want when I want it re: with the plants, the limitations gave me new entry points of deeper connection which gave me new insight into the niddah practice.

And then I started realizing how this lives in every area of my Jewish ritual life.

In the Torah, there are 613 mitzvot, often translated as ‘laws’ or ‘good deeds.’ However, the word tzav in the word mitzvot means connection.

So, there are 613 opportunities for connection—and Hashem, as my dom, knows what is best for my deepest pleasure, beyond what I might know or understand for myself in certain moments.

I started feeling this on my silent meditation retreat, and then all the connection points started locking into place. Looking back, this is exactly how I feel about Shabbat. There have been numerous times when there’s ‘something fun’ happening on Friday night or Shabbat day, and my more immediate gratification desire WANTS IT. My practice is unwavering, so often disappointingly, I don’t do that thing. Then other opportunities open up for me—whether it’s deep rest I didn’t know I needed, or exploring other places, people, unexpected conversations, and experiences that BLOW MY MIND. It often goes like this: “Ohhh, I had no idea I really needed this. Now I get it.”

So what’s shifted is that instead of being angry or upset at God for “putting these boundaries up,” -

I now have a new perspective and a deep reverence for God, who sees beyond my immediate desires and leads me to a pleasure that brings me to my knees—a pleasure rooted in truth: my values, purpose, and connection.

A perspective from the outside

I shared this idea with a friend newly exploring her Jewish journey, and it deeply resonated with her. As a spiritually led person, she realized her life had been guided by desire and an ‘à la carte’ mentality. Hearing this, it hit her that if she only chooses what feels best for her, she might miss deeper lessons, connections, and growth she can’t yet see (blindspots). This framework sparked new excitement for her to explore Jewish rituals that might not feel convenient or easy but could hold unexpected meaning.

A New Relationship Dynamic: Eroticism in the Divine

This force, God, who I am in a love affair with holds my deepest pleasure as his highest will for me. This relationship has deepened my connection to halacha, the laws, to mitzvot and given me a new experience of the world and the many Jewish structures within it. I’ve found myself observing them, surrendering into them, and trusting my dom’s guidance.

There is something alluring, sweet, and empowering about this new dynamic. It carries an undeniable erotic nature. As Esther Perel explains, eroticism is “the qualities of vitality, curiosity, and spontaneity that make us feel alive.” Even in moments of pain, anger, or disconnection, this lens invites me to interact differently, with aliveness and curiosity, with Hashem and the practices.

Continuing to choose this lens- having God as my dom, makes me feel taken care of, special, and so in love—discovering deeper layers of pleasure in places I couldn’t access before.

And more than anything, I found freedom. Free in the realest sense of the word. Only when the river has banks does the river know where to flow. Otherwise, the water is a scattered and aimless. The vessels, the boundaries, the containers let the water flow freely.

Two opportunities to be in each other’s lives more:

1. If you are reading this and saying I want moreeee - join Jewish Holiday Club VIP Tier (we launch officially on new moon Monday, December 2) for more personal hot takes and musings and explorations of anything Jewish, faith, trust God etc…

2. If you're reading this and feeling an urge in your body like you want this - breakthroughs with boundaries, freedom, or values alignment in your life or relationships, let’s connect. I’d love to offer a 15-minute discovery call to explore what you want, what’s holding you back, and get you into a whole new way of being that you can see but can’t quite grasp just yet.

Is there something your partner or colleague spends a lot of time on that bothers you, even though you can’t quite explain why?

Something that kept coming up in sessions with a couple I coach was passive comments here and there about this thing the other spends a lot of time doing that bothers them—or even sometimes drives them crazy fill in: any hobby. Neither had a real reason why it bothered them other than that their partner gave their respective pastime a lot of attention and energy.

Neither of them liked that the other criticized them about their pastime, yet both of them continued to do it to each other, sound familiar?

I see this pattern all the time.

When they made short jabs at each other for that pastime, it created distance and disconnection—and what’s wild about that is what was really happening underneath.

In one session, we dove right into it. What became clear was that both of them were envious of the time and energy the other devoted to this ‘thing’ because it felt like it was taking away from the time they wanted with their partner. Both of them were craving more present time together, but this ‘pastime’—and the energy and attention going toward it—felt like it was cutting into that.

You can see how this pattern, coming from a place of wanting more time together, actually created more distance.

The unique lens of the coaching I do with couples is that my client isn’t the individuals themselves—it’s the relationship between them. My work is about illuminating the voice of the relationship to both partners or teams so they can see what it is needing to thrive.

By getting to the core of each of their desires, it became clear that what the relationship was craving—and desperately needing—was more attentive time spent together. We went beyond their “annoyance” and criticism with each other’s pastime. If we had dealt with it on the surface, it might have looked like each of them spending less time doing that thing, yet, still quietly remaining guilty or hiding or critiqued by their partner, when in reality, it was hitting something much deeper that the relationship was asking for.

When we got down to it, neither of them said they would care about their partner spending time on their pastime if they felt satiated with the time they spent together—feeling like their partner was giving their shared time the same energy and attention they gave these other things.

The criticism and then defensiveness ‘dance’ was the way they knew how to communicate this unmet desire until now - they felt ignored so they made their partner wrong. What they really wanted to say was the vulnerable truth: Your attention is over there. What about me? What about us? I want you to want to spend time with me like that!

Once the relationship felt its need heard, the energy completely shifted - swapping out criticism, which only pushes people apart, for vulnerability, hearing the truth of the unmet desire, which then created connection instead of disconnection. (Another piece to come on how to normalize and welcome vulnerability instead of armor in relationships: romantic, friendship, workplace.)

For these two, what was missing was present and spacious time together. It wasn’t about decreasing the time spent on those other things but about increasing the time and energy given to what wasn’t being met.

This is what the relationship was asking for. Once we identified that, they could design what the relationship needed. We also designed together a new way to address this pattern moving forward.

“In the future, if they felt annoyed at their partner for spending time on “x,” they could check in and ask for time together—giving the relationship what it actually needed: connection.”

This pattern and inquiry applies well beyond romantic relationships.

Think about those moments in your workplace when you feel annoyed or frustrated with a colleague. Instead of communicating through criticism, ask yourself: What is the unmet desire here?

This approach helps you move beyond the surface-level “issue” and get to the core of what the relationship or team dynamic actually needs. Addressing it from a place of criticism often leads to defensiveness and disconnection, but coming from the vulnerability of the unmet desire can open the door to an honest and meaningful conversation.

Whether in relationships or the workplace, the power of illuminating the system—be it a partnership or a team—is in discovering what it truly needs to thrive.

Next time you find yourself shunning your partner—or your colleague—for something, ask yourself: What is actually happening here? What unmet desire is making me dislike “x”?

If you had an ‘aha’ reading this or the approach got you thinking that you want to up level in your relationships with self, partnership, team, own leadership on relational intel for your company, here are some current opportunities to work with me at the end of 2024 beginning of 2025.

I currently have the following limited open spots - a few 1:1 clients, 2 open spots for couples and 2 open spots to work with leaders and their leadership teams - if you know there is more for you or your team or partnership and want to end your year on a powerful note and begin the next year already crossing your edge and onto your next level, be in touch via www.wideopenspaces.co and set up a 15 minute connection call

You can also check out www.wideopenspaces.co to learn more about the offerings. Couple offerings usually referral only, opening it up to the right couples.

Inside My Process: Overcoming Blocks to Share This Piece.

I’ve been sitting on this piece for a month, hesitant to share. Voices question: “You coach businesses and teams; is this the kind of thing they want to see?” “Will they hire you if you’re writing about this?” “Is this too much to put out while dating?” “Will men still want to work with you if you talk about your period?” You get the idea.

I know these voices well; they’ve been with me for years, and around sharing my writing this last year, usually talking while I listen—an agonizing dynamic. Before sharing this week’s edge, I’m here at the edge of sharing itself. Stick with me. What I’m opening up to is committing to consistency, a trust that the right people will resonate. And when I sat with these voices, I uncovered deeper truths and a bolder voice.

These voices are pieces of societal stories, ones I no longer live by. I choose a world where the men I date have been more comfortable with my period than I have (true story!), helping me connect more deeply with my body. I choose a world where periods and blood aren’t taboo, stigmatized, or just “women’s issues.” I choose a world where the leaders I work with—men and women—welcome the whole human being into their workplaces. So yes, this is for everyone: women, men, corporate and startup leaders, entrepreneurs, you name it.

At Wide Open Spaces, that’s the work—uncovering what stands in the way of your fullest freedom and expression, in service of the unique gifts you’re here to share, whether in relationships, the workplace, or the world.

Welcome to the conversation. Let’s dig in.

Personal Edge: A Period Reclamation.

Crouched down on the floor of the bathroom, crying, I felt like I was trying to birth something.

The tears felt like a mix of exhaustion, fear, and helplessness, but interestingly not in a deep heavy way, in a kind of cathartic way, like something was releasing from me - partly there was fear and helplessness, and partly I felt trust, knowing, and safety at the same time.

After trying on my own, I could not get it out and I needed help. I called my mom into the bathroom. She is sitting on the bathtub rim encouraging and patiently coaching me through it.

It was my first time trying a flex disc, as an alternative to using tampons for my period, and I put it as high up as I could, and in doing that, it was tucked in so well I couldn’t get it out.

cue my childhood fears of being trapped/things getting trapped.

This moment, the morning of my birthday, after terrible cramps in the middle of the night, my whole belly feeling tender, I was aware that something bigger than getting this disc out was happening. I felt like I was giving birth to something, and I needed my mother there for it.

It was a tikkun, a fixing, a release, and a completion of a moment years ago when I first got my period and she insisted on teaching me how to use tampons, and I was utterly embarrassed to have her help and was in so much fear and helplessness that I gave up entirely until I was 21.

Let’s back up a moment...

A month ago, I decided I want to stop using tampons, initially because lately I’ve been traveling spontaneously and then not having enough healthy branded tampons, my preference. It has just become a pain, and throw on the price tag over time and space of tons of tampons, I decided there has to be a better way to do this!

So, I reached out to my friend Bruna, who I intuitively knew was THE PERSON, and she recommended the flex disc. As someone who has had a complicated and fear-induced relationship with my period over the years, a young scared part kicked in, and I asked her ALL MY QUESTIONS, making sure, as I do, I had ALL THE INFORMATION.

Now let’s back up even more...

My relationship with my period has been a huge evolution.

Getting my period at 13, 8th grade, on the bus on the way home from a field trip, I remember having intense pain and the boys on the bus saying, "Oh, do you have your period?" and I said, "NO!," totally embarrassed and confused. Then I got back to school, went to the bathroom, and there she was waiting for me.

My mom had briefly talked to me about it, and when I got home, she insisted on helping me learn how to use tampons. I don’t remember the fullness of the details, but what I do remember is trying, maybe even with her in the bathroom or she offered, and it was a mess. I couldn’t get it, I was scared of how far up they had to go and couldn’t seem to get them in where I couldn’t not feel them (cue: to how much we don’t learn as young women about our bodies growing up, that’s for another conversation.) Over the next 7 or 8 years, I would randomly try and then get scared and frustrated and give up.

This kept me out of wanting to go to summer camp, summer boat trips, and pool visits, trying out for the basketball team because I was scared of leaking and pads, always making excuses and internally feeling so much shame and embarrassment-“here my period is again, ruining my life.” It sounds dramatic but in a way, my period dictated so much for me leading with fear. I felt alone. I also had terrible cramps and couldn’t figure out how to get them under control, being out of commission in so much pain for a few days every month during high school—it was AWFUL.

I felt imprisoned and embarrassed and uncomfortable and in lots of pain—and supposedly this was a gift?

The next time I had a big up leveling in my relationship with my period was in a romantic relationship. My partner at the time was so comfortable around my period, talking about it and its beauty WAY more than I was, and it offered me an opening to reassess. That’s when I started using tampons, I trusted that my body wasn’t broken and could handle it, and right then and there, my life changed.

My relationship with my body, my period, and my womanhood all started evolving.

And, now I want to take you back to the other morning, my birthday morning.

Growing up in an observant Jewish community and continuing to have a devoted observant lifestyle, there were so many things that weren’t talked about nevertheless explored —the sacredness of the woman, her gifts, her magic, sensuality, sexuality, my body: physical manifestations, spiritual, emotional, her beauty.

The last decade of my life has been deep excavations of WHO AM I? What is my essence? What are my unique gifts I am here to serve in this world?

And, over the last decade, Wide Open Spaces was birthed, along with my reclamation to myself, working with therapists and coaches of all kinds, trying new modalities of expression and exploration—sign me up!

And in that journey, I explored, wrestled, and discovered. I have found my freedom, aliveness, and expression. I explored my stories of shame around my sexuality, sensuality, and my period, around my singleness in my 30s—and coming into the fullness of myself while also seeing myself as a badass CEO running her company- all of it existing together.

I have and continue to deeply explore my value of tzniut, modesty, (often assumed just for women and about their clothing - both not true!), and all the dynamics within the observant Jewish community while still being a fully expressed, powerful, free woman.

I often talk to Jewish women about these topics because I love them, and they are so appreciative and relieved to have someone to talk to about these important conversations without embarrassment, shame, or quiet hush-hush energy.

So, now here I am, on my birthday, trying to get this flex disc out, couldn’t get it, and as a empowered independent woman, I then powerfully called my mom into the bathroom to support me.

It felt so comfortable asking for help in a moment of vulnerable need, and she watched me cry and couldn’t do anything. In that moment, having her watch me cry, and the tears themselves felt like a huge release. I told her I felt like this was childbirth, and she was witnessing me and supporting me through it—it felt like I was birthing and releasing something BIG simultaneously.

I was going back to a moment in time when I was 13, so embarrassed and filled with shame to have my mom in the room with me as I felt helpless and confused about my body and what was happening. I just wanted to hide, deal with it alone, and felt so alone. And here I am, first day with a new blood catcher, inviting her in.

And then the growth and evolution continued. I finally got the disc out, think bearing down and birthing this flex disc out of me, feeling relieved. I decided I am going to put it down for now, not knowing how long that now would be, ONLY surprising to myself picking it up that night and try again. I got this!

Younger Nas would have avoided it for years, felt shame and disappointment, and that’s the beauty of growth—my younger self trusting my wise adult to know I am going to keep her safe.

And, that flex disc went in, and I wore full white on Yom Kippur the next day and rocked it out, getting to know my blood in a whole new way and getting to wear white without being nervous. More than anything, I was comfortable in my body to trust her, praise her, treat her with respect, and ask for help when I need it.

I have been delving into these topics (think: feminine leadership, freedom, expression, pleasure, desire, sensuality, de-shaming all while keeping Jewish values a priority…) with my own coaches and clients and friends for a while now, and from two recent conversations with Jewish women in NY and Jerusalem, I am hearing a calling for women who want into these conversations and are yearning for community and support to feel more empowered.

If you are a growth oriented woman, single or married, who have been involved in personal development work, and who either want to bring this to your workplace or community for a workshop or want to up level their expression and lean more into their feminine powers and feel more free in yourself, your pleasure and desire while still deeply honoring Jewish community and personal values - please DM me on IG at @nasya.miller and share your interest. Let’s cross those edges!